‘Bar’ Association!

(As narrated by one of my colleagues)

After enormous brain washing sessions, over-heated debates, emotional blackmailing, face-to-face discussions and once-in-a-while banging the phone, my mother finally succeeded in making me and my brother agree to participate in the seven days long family ritual at Thirunnelveli in Tamil Nadu.

It was then a cheeky and a highly diplomatic task to inject the idea into our better-halves’ brains. Once again, we poor brothers became prey to blackmailing! Threatened my wife, “Book flight tickets to Mumbai for both of us to attend my friend’s wedding. After that, I shall consider coming to Thirunnelveli, your divine village!” A flock of things suddenly flashed across my eyes – designer saree, sandals, matching jewellery, gifts, commute by taxi on crowded Mumbai roads …and my almost empty wallet! Desperately I cried, “God… why in the world, have you given all the manipulating skills to women? Very unfair!!”

Finally, the day has arrived. We packed our bags and forcefully infused enthusiasm about the trip into all our minds! We also prepared a long to-do list of things apart from attending the ceremonies at the temple.

It was also an occasion to meet our near, dear and not-so-dear relatives. We city-bred folks are like fancy beings to most of them. They, the most inquisitive bunch I have ever met, believe that we are smart only at making money and are super-idiots otherwise. Asked this fat grandmother to my wife ‘n’ number of times, “One year after wedding; why are you still not thinking of elaborating your family? Any medical problems? Do you know… when I was of your age, my Paramanand was 10 years old!!!” Trying really hard to hide her annoyance, my wife gave her a terrible smile and walked away! Grrr… how dare they poke their nose into somebody else’s sex life?!! These people also wanted to know how we spend the money we earn, if our friends drink and smoke, if any girls whom we know wear short skirts, climate in Bangalore, about Obama, and, and, and the list is endless!

The last day of our stay in Thirunnelveli.

Two Iyer ladies in nine-yard sarees, tinkling gold anklets and sindoor splattered on their foreheads - accompanied by husbands in silk dothis! Looks could be exceedingly deceiving at times. Though dressed like Goddess Sita and Lord Rama, our plan for the evening was not so godly! Utterly impatient and oblivious of our location, we were dying to sip some beer and vodka after these many days of being good boys-&-girls! 

Finally, we arrived at ‘Padmavibhushan Bar and Restaurant’. Oh… what a relief! A sputter of happiness was very obvious on all our faces!     

I asked my folks to wait inside the car and I got out alone to check out the ambience of the place. When I felt it was decent enough to spend half an hour, I gave a missed call to my brother, signaling them to follow me.

As the three walked to the door, the old watchman seated there got terrified and instantly stopped their way. He said, “Madam… the restaurant is not upstairs!”
My sister-in-law, “Yes we know!”
Watchman, “Then, you perhaps have come to the wrong place.”
My wife, “Do they serve vodka inside?” 
Watchman almost fainted… ":X"

They pushed open the door to enter the bar and walked one after the other towards the table I reserved. That is when all of us realized… the partial and complete drunkards were up from their seats to give a standing ovation to the esteemed and unexpected guests at “Padmavibhushan”! The dim lights, the chaos andSheila ki Jawani…” played from a screeching player only added flavor to the mood.

My sister in law, “Oh… never in life I felt so important! :P :P”

No doubt… it was absolutely an eventful week! We felt we will miss the village and even the villagers, whose innocence compel them to be very blunt! It's now time to get back to Bangalore – back to fast food, computers, blackberry and showing off on facebook!


Meety said...

Lovely!!.. the highlight was

My sister in law, “Oh… never in life I felt so important! :P :P”

g2 said...

That must be something!

Harish said...

They gave ladies a standing ovation?..! seriously?

Nona said...

Nice "Bar" association! :)

Anonymous said...

Welcome back! We were missing u in the blogging world...


Rohan said...

Lolz!! Background score truly added to the beauty!!!

dr.antony said...

or else,life would be so monotonous!

Vishnu said...

Consumption of alcohol may prove injurious to your health.

I think this should be the first statement.

"May prove".. Those who live because of liquor are requested to maintain the status quo.

$$ said...

@ Stigs - :P :P

@ G2 - seriously!

@ Harish - Yes, they did. They are def worth that, right? ;)

@ Nona - hehehe... thanks!

@ Preeth - Seriously?

@ Rohan - yes yes... perfect setting!

@ dr.antony - without these kinda hilarious experiences, life def would get boring!

@ Vishnu - haha... I should have added the warning piece!

blunt edges said...

Padmavibhushan!! LOL!!
Hilarious would be an under-statement! :D

Anonymous said...

I like the "Do you have any medical problems part?" Fun loving educated women are good for the country, they dont want to have any kids and by the time they want to .. its too late .. Helps in reducing India's population problem.

Vikram Harindran said...

Hey.. you narrate incidents really well.. I really think you should start writing novels, plays and stuff like that!

$$ said...

@ blunt edges - thank u ji :)

@ Anonymous - lets discuss further... By the way, whats your name?

@ Vikram - u have made my day Viks! thanks a ton! :)

Anonymous said...

narration is just so amazing!!! lovvvvved it!

- keerti

Vidya said...

so eventually munni badnam hui at Padmavibhushan!!!!was the bar really called that??
thats the funniest part

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