14

Tough to Ignore!


Some people are such attention seekers that if ignored, they either turn violent or they slip into infinite depression which asks for all the more attention!  

Let me introduce to you one such attention freak, who craves for consideration; but is neglected big time! The side effect of this negligence is the endless blabbering which the listener should take pitifully, though not by choice!

Last week, I was at my friend’s wedding in Chennai where we friends gathered at the breakfast counter catching up on things. We were discussing work, coding, job changing, stocks, family and everything else that mattered to us.

…while like a Gyan Guru, this Mr. Uncle, an uninvited guest to our conversation was incessantly commenting on our statements.

I: So, where are you trying next? Why don’t you consider coming to Bangalore?
Friend 1: Yes yes, Bangalore is in the list of my preferences.
Mr. Uncle: What is there not in Chennai? So, are you mad to leave Chennai?
I: But uncle, what I meant is…
Mr. Uncle:
You software people are idiots. You don’t even realize that cost of living is high in Bangalore.
I:
You got me wrong uncle… (Forget it; lemme not explain and make it complicated)
Friend 2:
I have interviewed with a product company. Have done…
Mr. Uncle: Didn’t even hear of that before! You should work with Wipro or Infosys. The future of India lies in these 2 companies.
Friend 2: But uncle, my domain is…
Mr. Uncle: This is what happens if you booze and have fun in engineering college. You will not even have a domain at work!
Friend 2: ???!!!!! (Before I leave Chennai, I am going to kill this old man)
I:
Wow… look who is coming; Pinky looks so stunning!
Mr. Uncle: What stunning? Girls look good only in Kancheepuram sarees. And only fools will comment this way at a saree that looks like cobweb!
We: Looked at each other not knowing what to say!
I: 
Uncle, you look nice in this shirt. Did you get it from here?
Mr. Uncle: I know you girls would have taken hours to polish your faces. But that doesn’t mean I should return the compliment, right?!
We: Grrr….rrr…
I:
By the way Uncle, where is the groom’s house?
Mr. Uncle: Where all do you know in Chennai?
I: Errr… Just wanted to know if…
Mr. Uncle: Do you know where T.Nagar is? Do you know Vadapalani? Do you know Mount Road? Do you…
I: In worst of my smiles wanting to smash his shining bald head!
Mr. Uncle: Some people… for the sake of asking something, they come up with insignificant dumb questions; to waste others' time!
We: Turned our backs and ran away!

I am sure; even you would have bumped into “I know everything” characters like Mr. Uncle. Do you have any experiences to share?! 

14

Misfired, Escaped!


Pintu and Dundu are neighbourhood kids. One evening, both of them were fighting in the courtyard, while we were all being onlookers... mere onlookers! Comes running, Dundu's mom to solve the problem and hence restore peace! 

Mom: How many times do I have to ask you brats to not fight?
Pintu: Don’t blame me… I just finished my prayers and was walking by …while she threw a stone at me from her house. But, I don’t have any proof cos I cannot even find that stone now!!! L
Mom: How dare you do that, Dundu?
Dundu:
That is not true Amma… listen to what happened.
Mom: Hmmm?
Dundu: I was just trying to chase a wicked dog cat away, which was troubling our little chicks. Not in my wildest dreams I imagined it would hit Pintu. Please forgive me Pintu… Sorry!
Pintu: But how is that possible?
Dundu: You know right, I am a big time sheep chick lover!
Pintu: Then, where is the stone? 

We onlookers: Where? Why? Who? How?

After 2 days:

Mom:
I trust Dundu. Her love for animals (dogs and cats are not included) is reflected in the stone which she threw! It travelled at more than 11.2 km/sec thus escaping even earth’s gravitational field! Hope you remember the theory of ‘Escape Velocity’. You see, we have no other option but to believe scientific facts, solid facts!  

Moral of the story: Are you Mr. Popular? Then, not only ‘Escape Velocity’, even Vasco-da-Gama can help you escape from mysterious situations, sealing media mouths!

All the characters in the above post are fictitious! Any resemblance to anybody residing in Bangalore or in any other parts of India is purely coincidental. Any doubts?! J
28

Nirvana


Just one goal…that was all I had in mind. My feelings were arrested; I thought I even existed to accomplish that one goal. Everything else in the world seemed so insignificant to me. However the circumstances were not favorable, I could only foresee difficulty. Yet, except ‘that’, nothing else could please me. 

While crawling through the almost standstill traffic, I shouted at all the honking cars and buses, splashing my saliva on the steering wheel and windshield. I was not bothered if they could hear me or not. I hated it when somebody overtook me. Adding to the chaos, a lady with messy hair and big bums was blocking our way to argue with somebody who hit her vehicle. 

Totally losing my temper, I screamed at her, “You mad woman, if he has bumped into your car, it is only your bloody problem! Why the hell should rest of us on the road suffer? Take your damn @#$%^* car off the road and if you want to slap him, better do that without getting in our way!” 

After the long wait, I finally reached home. Rushed into the restroom, slammed the door. “Mission Pee” accomplished. Yes, I call that a state of Nirvana!

Did you not experience such Niranava ever before? 

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