Prospective Groom Meeting!

It was fabulously a beautiful Saturday morning. My roommates and I decided to spend the day shopping, followed by lunch from the best Chinese restaurant in town. As we were getting ready, my mom called me. The shakun was not good, I sensed something fishy. 

When I felt she fumbled for words, I said, “Don’t beat around the bush, what is it that you want?”

Amma, “This guy who works in California wants to meet you. He…”
I interrupted, “Arnold Schwarzenegger?! Why ...meet me?”
Amma, “No no… a Nair boy; an IIT graduate too! Kamini aunty came up with this proposal and I want you to meet this guy who is in Bangalore this weekend.”

I snapped back, “Okay! I shall meet him; but don't insist that I should like him too.”
Amma, “Deal.”

I was given the prospective groom’s phone number. I decided to meet him in the next half an hour for breakfast as I didn’t want to ruin our shopping plans! And… why would I say no to sponsored breakfast??! :P

The scheduled meeting time was 9:00 a.m. As I stepped inside Adayar Ananda Bhavan, I saw this totally out-of-place looking guy seated uncomfortably on a table, scrutinizing the whole place. I was sure… he is the Californian dude! A few more moments of inspecting him, I noticed the text on his t-shirt – “I am America”! I wondered, “Is he wearing a placard? May be that's fashion in the west. I didn't know that; interesting!”

Murmuring, “Oh Mr. America… here I come!”, I walked to his table, shook hands and introduced myself.

American dude, “You could have chosen a better place for breakfast. This seriously is retarded! I have heard about some place called Leela or something. Could have gone there!”

Me, “Trust me… food is good here!”
Dude, “Alright… so, I am Kim. I’m from the Silicon valley”.
Alarmingly, I said, “God… Am I with the right person? Excuse me…”
Dude, “Chill girl… I was Kalyan Manoharan in India, however known as Kim in my Californian circle. 
In my mind, “What a loser! And, what the hell am I doing here?”

The waiter interrupted our conversation,
“Eenu bekku? Masala dosa, rava dosa, onion uthappam, puri, idli, vada, uppiddu…” The list was really really long!

Dude, “Can I have pan cakes and hash browns?” I couldn’t believe he actually asked for that!
Waiter, “Enu madam?” 

Me, “He wants boiled potato…”
Waiter, “Lunch time 12 o clocke start aaguthe!”
Dude making faces, “Holy Cow! Hmmm... well; I think I will settle for plain dosa. And please clean the pan with paper towel before you pour the batter!”
I thought, “What a pain in the a**. Trying hard to impress or is he is actually insane? 
Dude turning to me, “You see, In India, you cannot trust anything!”
Not knowing how to react, I said, “Seriously, you think so?”

The food came and as I was about to attack my onion-rava-masala-dosa, he panicked like a maniac and screamed at me, “Did you wash your hands with sanitizer?”

Terrified me said, “I washed my hands there”, pointing the wash area.
Affectionately offering me a sachet of hand sanitizer, he said, “Especially in India, it is very important to have one in your bag always!”

Lending my ears to his Bay Area and Silicon Valley stories was the greatest torture I could ever ask for on a Saturday morning! The faster I ate, the faster I could escape! I hurriedly ate my dosa and felt relieved when I finished it. When the waiter placed the finger bowls on our table, the dude called him back and asked, “Please take this back and bring mineral water instead!” My eyes actually popped out.

He was given the bill and he reacted, “I just don’t trust the financial system in India. Do you know how screwed up it is? It lacks efficiency and so, I don't want to swipe my card here! And people in Silicon Valley usually don’t carry cash." 

He continued, “May be you could settle the account here." 

I thought,
Pichakkaran (beggar) from the Silicon Valley! Not a penny in his pocket… but wants to go to The Leela Palace for breakfast! Shameless!”
Dude, “Okay… nice meeting you! We should do this often; you see I don't have many friends in Bangalore. 
In my mind, “I have better things to do in life!”
and aloud with a plastic smile at him, "Bye!". 

Do you also have any interesting bride/groom seeing experiences to share? Come on then… I am all ears!


Meety said...

Loser! avane okke odichitte adikkanam ;-)

Harish said...

lol.. i cannot believe he made you pay... :)

Vidya said...

ROFL....i loved this....u are back in forum shals....sounds similar to something i heard recently....very funny!!
He must be eating kanji and payaru for dinner.....and asks for pancakes and brownies at ananda bhavan!!!

Haree said...

Ha ha ha... Tell your mom to give the link of this corner before asking somebody to come and meet you. Better than that, you find a guy and fall in love! :)

Pythoroshan said...

wow !!! what a nice charming young gentleman... can you give me his number.. I have some female "friends" I want to set up and he seems like the IDEAL NAI, sorry, NAIR boy !!

g2 said...

Damn it! This Nair boy just made a dent into my IIT brand value X(

Anonymous said...

Nice to show jaada no? Marry the Nair boy yaar. You can stage a similar scene with your friends when you come back to visit them! Sanitizer and All! :D

Think of it this way, he already thinks of you close enough to ask you to pay for breakfast. That too at first sight! You must have made quite an impression on him. :D

Deepak said...

Did you make sure where in US he was from? American Junction?

Maybe you should have asked the trick question - "How many kilometers from Washington DC to Miami beach?"

Prathima said...

Hi $$,

Loved your blog:) Read it first from Ask and you Shall Receive review.

Your posts are really funny, lovely narration. It reminds me of all Malayalam comedy movies I used to love so much and miss soo much now:)

About groom hunt, huh you meet all kind of people. Was this guy born and brought up in California or a malayalee guy recently moved?

When I come back to India, I cant wait to eat dosa, puri,spicy curries ,fish ... ohh no don't get me started:( .. yummmmmyyyy .. who likes pan cakes! yeekkkkk. So, if he has moved recently to US, this is really a dumb behavior and show off

But, if he has born and brought up in US, may be I would not be so harsh on him as he would be ignorant of Indian ways.

But in any case, he made you pay the bill just plain dumb. Ditch maadi:)

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your posts for a while now, really interesting! I absolutly love the pic you have of you, CUTE!

Regarding the prospective groom meeting, reminds me of when I met my hubby for the first time(he's from US too)...the total opposite of what happened here. I came away totally impressed because he was so nonchalant about having tea & vada from a most nondescript place that I have seen. And his curiousity about every surrounding of his is what appealed to me the most. He would insist I speak to other people in the local language, even though he couldn't understand a word of it. He said he could see the delight in the autorickshawallah's face as I spoke to him in the local dialect. These are the little things that appealed to me and I thought this guy is just so cool & down-to-earth! I still love him the same, even today.

Sudhir said...

Hilarious...nice one! :)

D.Nambiar said...

Ha ha...loved this one! Way to go girl!

Rohan said...

Awesome!! You could hav at least taken him to some place where they accept his card!!

$$ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
$$ said...

@ Meety - Bum-il adikkanam! :P

@ Harish - yeah; he did that! ;)

@ Vidya - yeah... sharikkum, he will be doing that!

@ Haree - No need for that now, cos I am already married! :)

@ Roshan - Ideal Nai... heheh; loved that usage! ;)

@ g2 - hehehe; intent was not to offend any IIT geeks or cartoonists! :P :P

@ Jyothi - I call it super jaada! And I don't want anybody else to blog abt me the way I did. And people to comment on that! ;)

@ Deepak - Shit! I should have asked that! ;)

@ Prathima - Thanks a ton Prathima, and welcome to my blog! :)

@ Nilu - Thanks a bunch Nilu! Very nice of you to say that!
Regarding the boy - he wasn't in the US since childhood, went there to do his masters and then job.
And u r lucky to have a husband like the one you mentioned. Wishing both of you fun, fun and more fun! :)

@ Sudhir - Thank you, The real Indian of AZ! :)

@ D.Nambiar - Thanks Chechi!

@ Rohan - Ananda Bhavan accepts. But what to do.. this guy just doesn't trust the 'system' in India! :)

Vikram Harindran said...

This prospective guy seems to be worse than the goras!..

Nacha said...

ROFL, Shalini! Thumbs up to the way you look at life,tongue-in-cheek all the time. \m/

lizz said...

this one was really good....

$$ said...

@ Vikram - Indeed Vikram!

@ Nacha - Thank you gal! :)

@ Liz - Thank U loosu! :)

chacko said...

ahangaarathinu kayyum kaalum vachaal...

chacko said...

nice one! :-) you have written down as a very simple and interesting story.

Anita :) said...

See the impression he made ! Noone makes the lady pay for food..leave alone the bride seeing day ! And what did your amma say !

NEWNMEDIA™ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Haree said...

Oops! :p
I thought this thing happened recently. Then, tell us about your first meeting with your hubby as well! :)

By the way, what provoked you to write this now?

Shiva said...

I ditto Nacha's comment :) :) Shaliniistic Shalinisque should get into the dictionary!

$$ said...

@ chacko - Thanks! :)

@ Anita - I added more masala to the story while narrating to her! So, obviously, she couldn't say anything! :P

@ Haree - I have already written about it... check it out here - http://meandmyblogg.blogspot.com/2007/12/short-story.html

@ Shiva - Thanks... that was a lovely comment to read before hitting the bed! :)

Abhilash Pillai said...

dont know whether your stories had a fiction touch... but was worth a read... resembled some hindi movie... :)

I would admire the guy who escaped paying bills. I bet he would make you pay your children and his expenses the whole life.

Meri mano, shadi kar lo s**le se... Maar maar kar seedha kar dena :)

I do not beleive if the Americans could behave this way. I understand they are hygienic(few) but I do not think they are so reacting.I have been meeting and dealing with them for years. I think he might be a "PP American" (puthan paisa american)...

Doosri baar mila toh ... meri taraf se ek dena... for what? "India ka hoke India ki burai karta hain, there parents bhi... born from heaven"... koodi poyo... annalum saramilla, potticho(did I speak much... does not matter, hit him hard)

It was nice and interesting to read the post. It is not often that things happen in life this way. If I get such an invitation I would try this trick...

but characteristics se...ummm "ladka jabardast hain... chalta phirta american protector"...convey my regards to him the next time you meet... Also say "he is awesome, a unique antique"

Itha parayunathu(thus I say)... be Inidan, buy Indian


Anish Thomas said...

Mr. 'MA' Dhavan's younger brother....between are u fuys are he doing this often until he return ;)

Choco said...

LOL!!! :))

And. I cannot believe this.. I just cannot... :o

Avada Kedavra said...

LOL.. cant believe! did he really ask for hashbrowns in India and ask you to pay? :O :O Do such specimens exist? God! I have met some specimens..like one guy who made me pay more, he paid less when we divided the check.. but this guy was heights..

Aparna said...

was this ur first pennukanal. avan ethayalum kettikanilla..

Anonymous said...

This looks like a scene from a bad Hindi movie, with all its NRI bashing! I have met tons of people from the Silicon Valley, but never came across a model like this. :)

Good luck with your guy search!

Amit S

Jagdish said...

I love the style of writing - if chetan bhagat could make it world wide = shalu can make it - please give a try shalu - ur well wisher jaggu uncle

$$ said...

@ Abhilash Pillai - Thanks for sharing ur thoughts! :) And there is never a 'next time' with these kinda people! :)

@ Anish Thomas - haha.. i love that - M.A. Dhavan's brother. I am reminded of Srinivasan's funny show-off attire in a 'naattumpuram' in kerala! :)

@ Choco - Choco dear.. u have to! :P

@ Avada Kedavra - seriously a super-shameless guy, na?!

@ Aparna - definitely not, appus!

@ Amit S - After a couple of failed attempts, i found 'my guy'! Anyways, thanks! :)

@ Jagdish - How I love u Jaggu Uncle! Hugsssss.... :)

geeth said...

LOL! What an experience?!
I wonder whether he will get any girl from India at all!

The wild said...

gosh ,i cant believe there can be people who are so insensitive to basic courtesy.

this is too much

$$ said...

@ geeth - good luck to the dude, if he is still unmarried. good luck to the girl, if he is married :P

@ The wild - this is in fact threeee much! ;) ;)

Insignia said...

Impossible! Aww that guy was sick. But I salute you for not running away and handling the situation well :)

Hilarious it was. Though it would have been hard moments for you then, i couldnt stop laughing.

Bullshee said...

This is made up right? Fiction? No one can be that idiotic!

You were like imagining what the worst meeting in the world is like, right?

$$ said...

@ Insignia - thinking of it, of course fun! but going through the moment was irritating!

@ Bullshee - No No! It is not made up! Some guys could be this idiotic; trust me! :) :)

paramvir singh said...

I can't believe this actually happened! Its like a scripted scene! But honestly, what a loser!

joceee said...

ha ha enjoyed post i had to do almost thirty pennukannal in a span of ten years to get married. For my sister a prospective groom interviewed her almost half an hour every thing form academic qualifications to cooking. lucky amma intervened before she got irritated was a scientist or else he might have received the same coin. in my experience very few brides ask questions those who ask probe

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