Show off!

“Switz is fun! Guys...what are you waiting for? Just come over!”, one of my friends updated her Facebook status. How I wish...if visiting Switz was as easy as hopping onto a BMTC bus from Marthahalli to Domlur. The same lady is friends with 1248 people. Did I even speak to more than thousand different people in my entire life ever? Forget adding them to my social network!

Talking more about status messages - they are hilarious. At times, I laugh out, else I think, “Silly idiot…should give this fellow one tight slap!” Otherwise, it leaves me thinking – like a few listed below.

My dear friends, sorry… I had to steal it from you!

Cannila Dorreya My baby is finally here!! The korangan gets its poomala!! My first SLR!!
Guys, FYI – somebody has drilled a hole in her pocket buying the latest DSLR. Looking forward to madam’s out-of-the-world pictures; now that the expectation is set, you cannot disappoint us. Anyways, I love the monkey and garland usage; visualizing Cani having the camera around her neck.

Kapish Mahadevan When I saw you, I was afraid to meet you.. When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you.. When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you. Now that I love you, I am afraid to lose you..
Kapish’s spinster friends, he's not going to propose any of you; this guy has already fallen in love. According to his update, I'm pretty sure his feelings for the girl are intense :p

Jeenu Togi Got a late birthday gift! How I love gifts and surprises. Thank you so much! :)
Jeenu's friends, have you wished her on phone or at least sent a scrap or wrote on her wall? Anyways, looks like none of them have excited her. Like this Mr.Late, you should have also gifted her something special worth mentioning on FB.

Again, Jeenu Togi Teacher: What is ‘Romancham’? Tintu-mon: Romancham is a particular kulirarity in which all romams dancodu dance!!

Join the club, I am also a big Tintu-mon fan. Non-mallus…sorry; you will not understand.

Reena Naila has one leg in her cube and the other in her grave...Why is all work coming to me? I am only human and not super-human!

Reena’s manager – That is intended at you; please don’t give her any more work…can’t you see her multitasking?! :)

Anuse Jehmed Bright summer's day. skimpy clad gals. more football. no more trench coats. bikinis at Hyde Park! congested tubes. bright tees. even more bikinis. no more day light saving. longer days. extra cleavages! U gotta love summer!!

Now you know what Anuse is looking forward to! But dear, is summer actually as exciting as you made it sound like?

Castin Berry joined the group ‘DHONI SUCKS’.

The same guy’s update when Chennai won the IPL, “Way to go Mahi; you are India’s smartest captain”
In just less than a month, our poor Dhoni is make to suck. That's unfair...

Randy Sahul is absolutely sad :(
Somebody please attend this attention seeker!

Minu Shol We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. 

I think she meant something like “Om Shanti Shanti Shanti hi!” :P

And if you are wondering what my status message is, well…I am also going to show off, publishing the link to this blog post on Facebook.

This will be fun, please copy-paste your facebook, twitter, orkut or gmail status in the comment box; let us have a laugh!

Deceived

Blast the music… Lights on… Let’s party!! We have cute boys in our neighborhood.

It’s been over two months since we chased away the annoying mad couple, who used to be tenants in the house opposite to ours. The worst people on earth to have as neighbors… lovingly, we called them Fatso-Marvadi-Uncle and Bumsy-Aunty. Talk and laugh aloud, they would bang our door… have friends at home, she would scream at us… wear short skirts, he would give a horny stare! And we helpless girls reacted by religiously waking up early every morning to flick their newspapers and milk packets! Anyways, for whatever reasons, one fine day, they packed their bags and bid goodbye to the street making way for these much-awaited cute guys!

Week 1:
Half a dozen pretty girls and neighborhood cute guys were busy impressing each other. How? By establishing that we were disinterested in the other! However, whenever we met at Sankar Annan’s Dosa Kadai, we exchanged gentle smiles.

Week 2:
Caught yaaa! We started spotting next-door eyes staring at our windows. Hmm...guys aren't as smart as girls; they cannot handle anything complicated :p :p 

Week 3:
And, how long can we not react?! We sang to our hearts’ content, 
“Peeping through the window, hey darlings…
What will the people say?
If you want to be our friend, 
Come through the proper way!”

Week 4:
Nikki, one of my most enthusiastic roommates ran to us screaming, “Guess what?! The cutest of the lot is giggling at me. Time to start working on nurturing the relationship. Excuse me; I shall be back soon with more progress.”

Leaning against the balcony, flipping pages of big fat, “Assembly Programming and 8086 Microprocessor”, Nikki was fiddling with her Nokia mobile. Yet, all her focus was on Mr.Cutest. Through the corner of her eye, she glimpsed at him.

To her surprise, he asked, “Hello, how are you?”
That was definitely not expected! Softly she replied “Yeah… not bad”
Mr. Cutest, “How come you are awake at this time?”
Nikki looked at her watch; it was just 5:30 in the evening! She thought, “God...boys on this planet try so hard! She said, “Nothing much...preparing for my exam. Anyways, it is time for a break”. 

“Oh… that is bad. You shouldn’t have done that! Now, you make me feel guilty”
Nikky wondered, “Strange! Why the hell is he feeling guilty?” She said, “Come on, you are not at fault. Anyways, I have finished revising a couple of times!”

Revision? Really, Nikki? :D  

He, “Wow… it's worth celebrating. Waiting for you to come over; let’s drive to Ooty this weekend. What say, honey?

Eyes popping out, she yelled, “What the fcuk?! What the hell do you think of yourself?”
Mr. Cutest getting up from his chair, “Excuse me, was that at me?”

‘Nikki The Furious’, in a minute became ‘Nikki The Idiot’ when she noticed the blue light flickering on his right ear. 

Nikki to herself, “God… this bloody bugger was flirting with some NRI idiot over phone!” She continues at Mr.Cutest, “Hey nothing; just Microprocessor lessons... was reading out from my textbook. Sorry, if it was a little loud.”

With absolutely no emotions, he got back to the person at the other end. 

Nikki came to us with the verdict, “What a terrible guy yaar, not our kind. I give up; not interested!”

Silly TV

200+ TV channels! But last evening, I felt there is absolutely nothing worth watching! What a sad plight L However, from the balcony when I looked out, I could see TV screens flickering in all the houses opposite to ours! I wondered, “What the hell are these people watching?!”

And so, once again I started flipping the channels!

Channel 1:

Palatial house. Gorgeously dressed ladies with ornaments decked up all over - on their ears, forehead, hands, neck and fingers and where not?! But, ask me what they are doing?  One of them is sautéing onion, the other – kneading dough while the third with a wicked look, is lazily sitting on a bar stool in the kitchen.   

Lady 1 – We are losing it all! We should immediately plan something against her.
Lady 2 – Nahi Didi... That is wrong. 
Lady 3 – You, shut up! Bhabi… Lets us add poison to her milk and kill that bitch tonight…!

My Understanding - Murder in rich homes is as easy as gulping a banana! Also, beware of ladies in pink flashy lipsticks and those having tattoos pierced at ‘vantage’ points. In Hindi soaps, they are venomous! But, if the lady is soft spoken and has mild make-up, she is not eligible to be the bad girl! 

Next:
A totally shabby guy in saffron, seated on a podium.  Hundreds of people keenly listening to his absolute nonsense! He speaks, “…and India doesn’t need hospitals. All we need in this country is lots of tulsi plants!”
Had I been there, I would have asked him, “Sir… it’s been how long since you took bath?!”

Next:

The anchor slightly showing off her cleavage and majorly displaying her thunder thighs, speaks in Tamil to the caller, “…okie, why do you like dosa so much?”
“Because, my lover’s favorite is dosa”
“Oh… how touching! This is true love! So, which song do you want us to play for him?”
“After playing this song, also please tell that he is a part of my soul; Let the whole world know how deeply we are in love!”
The anchor to the viewers (emotions dripping), “Bharat Mata ki Jai. Such pure love - you can find only in India. That is why in the recent past, a lot of Americans are getting married to Indians! 

What was her point? “Americans marry Indians to eat dosa”?!

Next:

A college canteen which resembles the lobby of a star hotel. Pizza and burgers are served like chai and vada! A boy is playing drums in the middle, while rest of the guys (in leather jackets) and (scantily dressed) girls cheer for him! …while nobody even observes this somebody in a corner, kissing somebody!!

Interested in getting admission to this college?! Well, please contact ‘Sahara Pariwar’! J

Next:

Judge 1: You have sung it very well. It was very soothing! Just that you need to improve your Thala, Raga and Bhava! Otherwise, you are just perfect! All the best! 
Judge 2: The ‘saadanams’ should be improvised.  On the whole, good rendering!
Judge 3: Sorry to say Monu, this time, you have disappointed me big time! If you continue this way, I don’t think you will reach anywhere!

The participant starts crying. We see it in black & white, sepia and in slow motion! 

The anchor, who is dressed like to walk the ramp at Femina Miss India Contest, hugs the participant and continues, “Not to worry… Life has both happiness and sadness. When mixed in so-and-so proportion, it is called ‘existence’. Also, as you know, the earth is round and we are just players who enact our part and one day should leave the stage…”.

Stupid audience, “Wow… such a well-read girl” J

Next:

Graphics flashing, India and Pakistan maps zooms in and out, it read: Is Sania Mirza now a Pakistani in Indian Skin? …followed by the message, “Watch Prime Time discussion, tonight at 8!”

Scroll news – Ritesh Deshmukh might fall in love with Jenilia D’souza. Question for the viewers, “Are there chances for them to get married? Please send your answers - A (for yes) or B (for no) to 5544”.

News reader: In other news, Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and American President Barack Obama met to sign…

Alas… who is interested in this poor non-happening Sardarji. We want some spice!!!

Next

I turned off the TV and went to bed.