The work place sucks, the country sucks, the world sucks! There isn’t a thing around me which is less than being wretched! Sadly I realize that our planet is ruled by a bunch of useless morons. There is no escape from those boring routine faces; bumping into them only makes life all the more depressing. How can a poor feeble little creature like me repair the sad state of such affairs, I keep wondering!
“Ting Tong… Ting Tong!” My mobile phone beeped, indicating that I have received a message.
“Depressed in life? Finding it difficult to laugh out loud? Then, come to us… we have the right remedy for you. We will heal all your mental and physical tensions and help you rejuvenate! For related help, call us on 8800 0011 1100. Regards, Lakshmi Chengappa,
A-HOPE”, read the message.
A-HOPE”, read the message.
“Oh wow!! A customized message from God? He has finally decided to help me!”, I felt. Not giving it a second thought, I dialed the number.
“Hello… This is Shalini Surendran here; I just received a sms which said you can cure my mental tensions. I just wanted to discuss the same with you and take this forward”, I said hopefully.
“Welcome Mam… to Aavarapan Healing Opulence Private Enterprise, A-HOPE. Let me please connect you to our healer, Agent Lavanya. Mean while, please enter your personal details following our customer assistant.”
“Agent Lavanya? Have I reached a detective agency?” I had my doubts!
“Welcome Ms. Shalini to A-HOPE. This is agent Lavanya. So, shall I begin the first session with you?”, said the sweet voice on the other end.
“Oh sure… please go ahead. I am all ears!”, I said enthusiastically.
“To begin with, let me give you an overview of A-HOPE. We are the only organization in the world that identifies one's inner potentials and strengths. Our founder, Poojya Shri Lakshmi Chengappa-ji was born with the ability to see lives of people, see their energy patterns and can find out which part of the body is diseased. She can also ascertain whether or not one is connected spiritually with oneself.”
I thought, “What the hell is getting connected to oneself? Is that something like tying oneself to a pole and dancing in bliss?!!”
I couldn’t make any sense of what she went on and on about Madam Poojya Lakshmi-ji. Hence I interrupted, “So, when can I submit my problems to Lakshmi mam? Please share her email id.”
Agent got pissed off. She said, “There is no need to do that. Lakshmi mam’s extra sensory perception skills will by itself find out your problems and automatically heal you.”
“Magic?” I thought of the movies Mr. India, Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, while the agent continued blah-blah-ing. It was more like attending an absolutely boring physics lecture after years. After 20 minutes of one sided non sense, the only few words I could recollect were aura, mind-body-soul, spiritual destination, healing, inner & outer selves ...which were of course meaningless to me!
Finally she concluded, “There is no past, present and future. All collapse into a single experience!”
Before I could ask “What the bloody hell is that supposed to be?”, agent said, “We shall share the details of the next session with you via email. Thank you. Have a great day!”
I received the email in the next 30 seconds.
Dear Ms. Shalini,
We hope that Session-1 has enlightened your spirits. Now, we enter Session-2. All you have to do is let us know a convenient time, during which you are supposed to go to sleep. We will connect with you while you are asleep, your problems will be then captured impeccably. You will be surprised to wake up into a new world, a fun filled and joyful world.
I went to sleep at the scheduled time, woke up to see their second email which said,
Dear Ms. Shalini,
Welcome to the new world of possibilities. All your problems are erased off your mind; you are a new human being from today.
Please find attached the invoice. Account details are also given.
Totally clueless, I tried to recollect the flow of events during my sleep. But in vain… all I could remember was my dream of eating prawns biriyani at our house in Trivandrum and playing cricket with my small and big cousins!
I opened the attachment. For the first Latin/Greek gyan over phone and the magical sleep therapy, they have sent a bill of just Rs 8500!!!
Lesson learnt – When I felt low, all I had to do was watch Mohanlal & Jagathy in Yodha or Inspector Clouseau in Pink Panther …rather than letting some cunning Chengappa indulge in day light robbery!
(As narrated by Big-B… from the dairy of his adventures!!)