31

Silly TV


200+ TV channels! But last evening, I felt there is absolutely nothing worth watching! What a sad plight L However, from the balcony when I looked out, I could see TV screens flickering in all the houses opposite to ours! I wondered, “What the hell are these people watching?!”

And so, once again I started flipping the channels!

Channel 1:
Palatial house. Gorgeously dressed ladies with ornaments decked up all over - on their ears, forehead, hands, neck and fingers and where not?! But, ask me what they are doing?  One of them is sautéing onion, the other – kneading dough while the third with a wicked look, is lazily sitting on a bar stool in the kitchen.   

Lady 1  We are losing it all! We should immediately plan something against her.
Lady 2  Nahi Didi... That is wrong. 
Lady 3  You, shut up! Bhabi… Lets us add poison to her milk and kill that bitch tonight…!

My Understanding - Murder in rich homes is as easy as gulping a banana! Also, beware of ladies in pink flashy lipsticks and those having tattoos pierced at ‘vantage’ points. In Hindi soaps, they are venomous! But, if the lady is soft spoken and has mild make-up, she is not eligible to be the bad girl! 

Next:
A totally shabby guy in saffron, seated on a podium.  Hundreds of people keenly listening to his absolute nonsense! He speaks, “…and India doesn’t need hospitals. All we need in this country is lots of tulsi plants!”
Had I been there, I would have asked him, “Sir… it’s been how long since you took bath?!”

Next:
The anchor slightly showing off her cleavage and majorly displaying her thunder thighs, speaks in Tamil to the caller, “…okie, why do you like dosa so much?”
“Because, my lover’s favorite is dosa”
“Oh… how touching! This is true love! So, which song do you want us to play for him?”
“After playing this song, also please tell that he is a part of my soul; Let the whole world know how deeply we are in love!”
The anchor to the viewers (emotions dripping), “Bharat Mata ki Jai. Such pure love - you can find only in India. That is why in the recent past, a lot of Americans are getting married to Indians! 

What was her point? “Americans marry Indians to eat dosa”?!

Next:
A college canteen which resembles the lobby of a star hotel. Pizza and burgers are served like chai and vada! A boy is playing drums in the middle, while rest of the guys (in leather jackets) and (scantily dressed) girls cheer for him! …while nobody even observes this somebody in a corner, kissing somebody!!

Interested in getting admission to this college?! Well, please contact ‘Sahara Pariwar’! J

Next:
Judge 1: You have sung it very well. It was very soothing! Just that you need to improve your Thala, Raga and Bhava! Otherwise, you are just perfect! All the best! 
Judge 2: The ‘saadanams’ should be improvised.  On the whole, good rendering!
Judge 3: Sorry to say Monu, this time, you have disappointed me big time! If you continue this way, I don’t think you will reach anywhere!

The participant starts crying. We see it in black & white, sepia and in slow motion! 

The anchor, who is dressed like to walk the ramp at Femina Miss India Contest, hugs the participant and continues, “Not to worry… Life has both happiness and sadness. When mixed in so-and-so proportion, it is called ‘existence’. Also, as you know, the earth is round and we are just players who enact our part and one day should leave the stage…”.

Stupid audience, “Wow… such a well-read girl” J

Next:
Graphics flashing, India and Pakistan maps zooms in and out, it read: Is Sania Mirza now a Pakistani in Indian Skin? …followed by the message, “Watch Prime Time discussion, tonight at 8!”
Scroll news  Ritesh Deshmukh might fall in love with Jenilia D’souza. Question for the viewers, “Are there chances for them to get married? Please send your answers - A (for yes) or B (for no) to 5544”.
News reader: In other news, Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and American President Barack Obama met to sign…

Alas… who is interested in this poor non-happening Sardarji. We want some spice!!!

Next
I turned off the TV and went to bed. 

31 comments:

g2 said...

yeah... TV has become as retarded as anything can get... Its been more than five years I have watched anything other than sports on TV and I don't miss it at all!

and I don't blame the TV channels for any of the mess, I blame the viewers for not boycotting stupidity... we don't deserve anything better...

g2 said...

I was gonna say nice new template but you just changed it ;)

Shalini Surendran, said...

Thanks G2 :)
Stupid viewers r to be blamed.. cos we ask for such sub-standard stuff!

...and I felt the pink template is too girly. Whenever i open the page, I feel it is not mine! :P

Still, the template is under construction! :)

sammythewizzy said...

Hey!! Awesome blog :)

Just reminded me why i should be so thankful NOT to have a TV.. The soaps are full of melodrama while the news channels are no better, always focusing on the sensational stuff..

PS: you have an amazing writing style.. One of the best blog's ive ever seen.. Im putting you up in my blogroll right now :)

Sigma said...

Baby we've always had similar views on things and the same holds here as well... Hee.. u jz spoke my heart out :D

Dr Roshan R said...

sigh.. is there ever a more romantic song than Appadi Poda :D
And wwaiddaminit.. cleavage and thunder thighs too.. wow !! Thats my new fav channel !!

Prateek Sur said...

i know..its the same case wit me wen i go home..but here in coll hostels i badly miss it as there r no tv's in here..only on cricket matches do they switch on the tv..that too india has to feature in that match, then only will they switch it on..damn its no respite on both ends of the river..neither of the grass is greener..

Haddock said...

That was perfect.
Had a good laugh here.
Frankly speaking it is the stupid audience to be blamed.
And just imagine when there was only two channels.
DD1
DD2

The Layman said...

Nice one :)

Nona said...

In spite of having so many channels, there is nothing to watch. I have around 5 movie channels in English. But till date, I have not seen one movie in it's entirety!

$$ said...

@ sammythewizzy - Thanks a lot! :)

@ Sigma - hehe!! I know!

@ Dr Roshan R - may be such romance is state-specific! :P Ahem ahem... like I did, please zap the channels, u will get what u want! :)

@ Prateek Sur - The best option is to watch movies or f.r.i.e.n.d.s like series on DVD!

@ Haddock - I cannot agree more, we r given what we asked for! Yes, during DD days, when the choice was so limited, we were in love with TV. May be we are bored now...

@ The Layman - Thanks! :)

@ Nona - You are not alone! :)

Swaram said...

ROFL Shalini. U summarized it all so well.

I was watching some Bidaai with an aunt who is following the same. A vamp turned goody goody bahu gave up on her peculiar style of dressing .. the flashy sarees and jewellery, thick kajal lines etc :P So, gng by our dressing sense, we r all very very good and decent girls ;)

adreamygal said...

I love your take on very ordinary things ...and this time your target was TV :P ...Loved reading it , humourously well written :D

But somehow i felt the template didnt match ur views , for the template looks quite serious contarty to your humour touch :) Jus my views :)

$$ said...

@ Swaram - yes yes indeed...!! We are "The Nice Ladies" :)

@ adreamygal - Thanks a lot! :)
..and I value your suggestions! Even I felt... but, from hundreds of templates, this was the only one which I kind of liked :(

Before this, I had a pink template for sometime, but people whom I know suggested I change that cos apparently such a 'girlish' template doesn't suit me! :P :P

Anyways, knowing me, i think i will change even this after a while!
Thanks a ta-ta-ton for the suggestion! :)

Vidya said...

Funny and interesting post!!
I belong to ur so called stupid audience category..lol...I watch only hindi serials....mainly for the richness and the cute actors and actresses.....I wont hesitate to say that cos thats the truth...
The story and people in hindi serials are a thousand times better than the ones in malayalam and tamil channels....
I agree that the channels start something with so much hype and hungaama but then it starts degrading in the long run.....But i dont accept whatever is shown....
and I have my own ways to show my resentment......If it doesnt improve, then the final step is to stop watching it....anyways, there are n number of channels and n number of serials running all over.....So i always have a choice!!!

Shiva said...

Good template Shalini.

I think you did the best thing possible by going to bed :)

Aishwarya V said...

so well written! humorous and Picturesque! :)

Athresh said...

Reminds me of sumthin i saw on sun music.A guy calls n says hw he cudnt take train ticket as he was in a hurry n travelled ticketless. The anchor said,"WOW!! u r sooo ADVENTUROUS!!" .really felt like throwin potty on her...

n the simple dressed girl in the soap is a prospective bad girl (been der, seen dat ;-) )

n news channels...wat do i say?? I once wanted 2 b a journo,but seeing these ppl, I thank god am a boring sw engr!!!


Well written shalini!! Pakshe masala ithiri koodiyo ennu oru samshayam :P

Deepak said...

There was a time when I used to wait eagerly every week for a serial in DD1.
Nowadays the best show on TV is WWE on Ten Sports. It is fake and entertaining. Others are just fake.

And I should give the consolation prize for "Aaj Tak"... They are so bad that they are actually good.
They should have a new punchline: Your stock of painkillers not getting over? Watch our "Painkili news" and get instant pain

$$ said...

@ Vidya - Yesh, again it depends on your mood. Not always you feel like watch "Matrix".. some times, u may prefer 'Tom & Jerry' or even 'Desperate House Wives' ;)

@ Shiva - Yes... i was really bored of the old one!

@ Aishwarya V - Thanks dearie! :)

@ Athresh - Trust me, no masala added! It is truth; nothing but the truth! :) :)

@ Deepak - Yes... memories of TV viewing are vivid when we had minimum choice! I still remember how enthusiastically I used to get up on a Sunday morning to watch Rangoli! But, I cannot recollect a program which I watchedrecently without switching to other channels !

Rohan said...

So true!! I stopped watchin tv regularly about 2 years ago. . Bt its entertainin at times and thats not the programs which they want us to be entertained on. . Well then i got addicted to net and computer!!!

The Holy Lama said...

But memory is short. You need to do a swapping every night to believe that it's the same old story.

Vidya said...

I love tom and jerry....
they are the best!!!

$$ said...

@ Rohan - I wonder when we will start cribbing abt computer!

@ The Holy Lama - Heheh.. how true!

@ Vidya - Chech.. me too, me too!

harish said...

Hi good blog. i din know that you wud write so good when u were in Marcom. hope u remember me...

harish said...

a

et said...

Its been considerable time since I STOPPED watching TV! :D
I still believe its all for the very best. They're tracking our emotions and manipulating the shows so vividly! What a play!

$$ said...

@ Harish - Thanks a lot. And u were our junior, right?

@et - indeed... exploiting viewers and sadly we became super-preys to them!

Jayesh George said...

You should think of script writing.....

harish said...

nopes am harish from the Corporates :)

g2 said...

I am planning a post of similar lines... I hope you dont mind... btw... I think I read everything you have written till now :)

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