Meet a 'Total Malayalee'

The rebirth of Christ was celebrated in style. In spite of having ‘white’ cheerleaders to shake their hips and Bollywood girls to dance, IPL couldn’t make as much profit as the beverages department in Kerala made on Easter. 

Anyways, Easter gala is over; and it is ‘back to business’ time. One of my friends pinged me this morning.

Sj: Hello… Wassup?
Me: Wow! You alive? Thought you were somewhere in the border firing our enemies!
Sj: Just back after an alcoholic Easter.
Me: Good for you!
Sj: Nope! Bad for me… my mom found out that I drink and she decided to disown me!
Me: Didn’t you know that there is an expiry date for secrets? You have been hiding this from her for so long! By the way, how did she find out?
Sj When she served dinner, I said “Darling… after our wedding, we will follow a time table to divide the culinary work at home! Your cute little palms should remain soft forever!! Blah blah blah…” All I remember now is my mom's red rolling eyes!
Me: Lovely… so, now she knows about your girl friend too!
Sj: Bloody idiot… pacify me! Are you not my friend? Anyways I am going for a movie now!
Me: Huh, now?? I thought you were at work.
Sj: I have called for a hartal
Me:  What??! Strike in Bangalore?
Sj: So what? After all, we are Malayalees! We have the right to protest anywhere …even against NASA! Perhaps they are not aware… we Mallus have got the inherent skills to make a functioning thing dysfunctional!
Me: Who? You mean NASA is not aware?! I thought this protest is this against your mom.

Sj: Shut Up! Got my appraisal letter this morning. With the hike I am given, all what I can do is buy a mutton biriyani and a lime soda! …that too, only if Labeeb Chettan remains kind enough to not hike the biriyani prices! Hence this is how I have decided to convey my displeasure to my boss!
Me: You are “The Malayalee of the Year”! Great going, my dear friend!


Anonymous said...

ROFL!!!!! Now i know you are a true malayalee

sajinrp said...

omg..u r truly a creative mind ;-) !
Appreciated !!
May i knw, if i get similar 'masala package' for our next script from u?

Anonymous said...

hheheeheh..wonderful .a true "mallu" post :)

Swaram said...


Nona said...

Welcome back from Easter! Was the protest... errr.... movie good?

Haree said...

And in every post you repeat the same mistake! Make people laugh! :-)

$$ said...

@ Anonymous - Dear brother/sister/friend... what is ur name?! :) And yes, I am a Malayalee; but in this context, I am NOT a true Malayalee... ;)

@ Sajinrp - Thanks a ton! And, u deserve an extra bite of thanks, u know why! ;)

@ adreamygal - Thanks! :) BTW, guys and gals from The Mallu Land - please don't take this personal & get offended!

@ Swaram - :) :)

@ Nona - Apparently, he couldn't make it for the movie and poor me was blamed! ...i still don't know why!!!!

@ Haree - Oh, thanks a ton! U made my day! :)

Dr Roshan R said...

Mallu power !!!
Good thing there's one of us in every part of the world.. or else the rest of the world wouldn't know what they're missing out on :)

Anonymous said...

Good laugh I had... :)))))
Just for my information - i have noticed in ur posts that u make too much fun of malloos. Is that cos u don't like them?


Shimmer said...

haahaha, all the best with khaled hosseini! :D

and keep us updated about lahore :)

Sorcerer said...

mallu rwaks

Hari nandakumar said...

valare nannayittundu.
kalippan post.

Ninga vadakkan paravur ana?

$$ said...

@ Preeth - My God... u r big time mistaken! I am not a Bal Thakaray to like/dislike a particular community. Just that Malayalees are the people whom I know the most; hence more posts on them.

@ Shimmer - All is well so far; got introduced to Khalid. Know what?! He is a sweet chap! ;)

@ Sorcerer - Yaas yaas... they raaks! :)

@ Hari nandakumar - Valare valare Nandi...!! :)
Are u from Kannur / Malappuram?
...n beware, I am from kannur; so don;t mess with me! :)

Dr Roshan R said...

sniff sniff.. yes, SHalini..you keep insulting us..we poor Mallus feel so baaaaHAHAHA.. damn !! cant keep a straight face while writing it.. LOL

Vidya said...

After reading ur post, I got tooo excited and eager to post the comment that i forgot to log in....lol!!!
then i thought i will let u guess!!!
nyan anonymous alla, vidya chechi aannu!!!!

Maverick Dev said...

malayalees thanne malayaleesinu pani kodukuva alle ??? lolz..
nice post anywayz...

$$ said...

@ Dr Roshan R - Ooops doc! I am so sorry, if i have hurt ur mallu-feelings. It was not intentional. Please forgive me! ;) ;)

@ Vidya - Anaonymous chechi.. errrr vidya chechi! Danks! :)

@ Maverick Dev - Thank You! :) BTW, we mallus are frank and we follow an open & direct culture! ;) ;)

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